Over the past few months, we have delved into Brené Brown’s insights on emotions as outlined in her book, Atlas of the Heart, with a specific emphasis on understanding their impact on women’s leadership. We’ve examined uncertainty and comparison. This month, we’re turning our attention to the intricate dynamics of expectations.
According to Brown, unmet expectations often give rise to a range of emotions, including disappointment, regret, discouragement, resignation, and frustration. She categorizes expectations into two main types: those that are unexamined and unexpressed, and those that are consciously acknowledged. Both types have the potential to significantly influence our leadership trajectories if left unaddressed.
To navigate this terrain effectively, consider the following steps:
1. Examine Your Core Motivations. Take a compassionate look at your internal drivers. These are the underlying, often unconscious forces shaping our expectations, capable of either bolstering or undermining our leadership journeys. One useful tool for this introspection is the Enneagram, which sheds light on our personality types and core motivations. For instance, a team leader may unknowingly seek affirmation and acceptance in her interactions. When these expectations aren’t met, it can lead to a cascade of negative emotions, impacting her self-worth and efficacy as a leader. By identifying and understanding these underlying motivations, we can interrupt the cycle of destructive behavior and cultivate more resilient leadership
2. Survey Your Expectations with Curiosity. Approach your expectations with curiosity and clarity. Conducting a self-assessment can illuminate both realistic and unrealistic expectations we hold for ourselves and others. Brown suggests asking probing questions such as:
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- What are my expectations in this situation?
- Why do I desire this outcome?
- What significance does it hold for me?
- Am I envisioning a specific outcome?
- Are my goals within my sphere of influence?
By gaining insight into our expectations, we can better manage our emotional responses when they’re not met.
3. Communicate Expectations. Foster a culture of open communication by articulating your expectations clearly to colleagues and team members. While written documentation like job descriptions can serve as reference points, genuine dialogue is essential for mutual understanding. Utilize team meetings as platforms for collaborative discussion and clarification of expectations. Brown refers to this process as “Painting done,” where the team collectively visualizes the end goal. Embrace vulnerability and active listening to foster connection and alignment among team members.
Diligently following these steps doesn’t guarantee that every expectation will be met or that we’ll be immune to the accompanying emotions. However, these steps are tools to mitigate the intensity of our reactions and minimize the potential fallout when things deviate from our plans.
DONATE TO WOMEN LEADERS TODAYPS from Impact Now Executive Director Mary Henton:
I’m applying these three guidelines to our current March Fundraising Campaign. My expectation that Impact Now reaches its March Fundraising goal of $2000.
- Motivation: To jumpstart the NYOTA project and provide the training and support that women leaders in Beni say they want and need!
- Expectations: We’ll reach that goal because it’s an important goal!
- Communicate: I’m asking YOU to donate today!
We have a ways to go before March 31. So, we need your support TODAY!